Valentine's Babies

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Monday, February 16, 2009

My "Follower"

Did you ever notice the little gadget on the left panel of my weblog? It is there if a person wants to "follow" my blog. I only put it there to be silly. I don't really want followers. But I have one. He is my husband.

Out of all the people in this cyberworld - he is THE one who will, publicly, follow my blathering rants and my braggadocios photobook.

However - the term "follower" is a bit misleading. I would never, ever want to lead him around. But, now, he is forever marked.

This Valentine's Day was our best ever. In fact - it is the only one, so far, that I will never forget.

We had made some BIG romantic plans. They included: a horse-drawn carriage; some chocolate-dipped berries; a rented movie in a dangerous, big, city. However. The carriage ride happened in a totally different way than was planned. The movie never got rented. And at the end of the night - we were betrothed in a whole new way.

Adam got a tattoo! For me. In place of his old, battered and lost wedding band. We were referred to, perhaps, the BEST tattoo artist in our local ghetto. The artisan was well tattooed himself - and completely kind to us. (Valentine's Night is pretty much like a flower shop at the tattoo parlor - ultra crowded and filled with anxious shoppers). It was so busy - that we had to have the consult, and then Adam returned, Sunday morning for the actual tatt. We hit the local church, later that night - to celebrate the end of our best weekend in romance - and to find rest for our weary souls.

In TOTAL disagreement with you . . .

Okay - I know . . . I beg for those "honest poll answers." I want your heart. I want to know what you really think. But come ON! My last poll. I thought it was a tough question. (Which of these emotions would you consider to be the strongest?). As always - this was an anonymous poll. No chance I'd ever know who voted for what. But I'm telling you right now that I voted for the remorse/regret option. And not many others voted my way.

I'm not really disappointed - I am more perplexed at the results. I thought it was a no-brainer.

The reason I am so different: I guess it must have to do with the amount of regret that I've actually felt in my life. I'm the girl that always feels regret. Mostly in the form of "I wish I had helped"; "I wish I had spoke"; "I wish I hadn't spoke"; "I wish I had loved more, trusted more, believed more, given more, etc."

And regret - it is the worst feeling and the most intense feeling that I ever have. Because - no matter what - the time has passed. The regret comes over me like a red heat. Typically, I blush like an embarrassed teenaged boy. My stomach gets all sickish. I can't shake it. I try to put my mind in a "happy place" - but my heart won't go. I sweat. I lose focus. And - sometimes I even cry. It is absolutely crippling for me.

I share my argument just to express myself here. The poll has been on my mind for days. (I'm a little regretful that I didn't post this sooner :)

Feel free to post a reprove of the feeling you chose. I'd love to read your thoughts on the issue. I really don't think there is a wrong answer to this. Emotions are absolutely beautiful that way. We haven't any real choice about them.

PS: Why (In this Valentine's Season) did I not list LOVE as an "emotion"? Because LOVE is a choice. It is NOT an emotion. It is also not a feeling, or a particular action. LOVE is always a choice.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Hot Breakfast

Well it is Monday morning and i just finished an entire pot of hot blueberry green tea. That is, after I ate a full breakfast of two eggs, chicken sausage and two slices of sprouted-grain toast.

I will have to say that, when we first had Lily, I didn't think I would ever be able to enjoy a hot breakfast again. I remember thinking that I might never be able to do anything for myself again.

Back then, Lily had colic. I know that lots of parents say their babies are "colicky" or had colic - but I don't use the term loosely. Real colic begins around 3 weeks of age and is characterized by 3 or more hours of inconsolable crying, 3 or more days per week. Typically, colic ends around 3 or 4 months of age. Adam and I absolutely adored Lily - even while we were taking turns holding and loving on her while she screamed nonstop. We walked the streets of our neighborhood with her as she wailed. We bounced her, cuddled her, walked with her . . . most of the time - nothing worked. And - even though I knew that the colic wouldn't last forever - it seemed like it might.

But now, at nearly 8 months old, Lily is so content. And, in the mornings, she is especially calm and glad to just play alone while I make and eat breakfast. She, typically, sleeps at least ten hours a night and takes two good naps during the day. I'm sleeping better than ever. And we are ever so thankful and amazed at this content little baby we have.

I have a couple of friends who just had babies. They are concerned that they might never get eight hours of sleep again. Let me pass on some encouragement and a little advice. You will sleep again. Your body can handle this temporal stress of no sleep. Just try and keep the nights comfortable for yourself. Load your iPod with good podcasts and music for up-all-night feedings. Have some of your favorite chocolates hidden near the changing table - to make getting out of bed (again) not so bad. Put the most comfy blanket in the rocking chair and cuddle up with baby while you two rock. And cherish these moments. They won't last long.

I just took a little break from typing to put my sweet Lily down for her morning nap. I'm going to return a couple of phonecalls and catch up on some housework during this napping hour.

Merry Christmas!

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