My First Year as MOM . . . .
I'll post some pic's of Lily's first year soon. However - my heart has to express some words first.
Lily Ann has been a blessing to us since she entered this wretched world. For me, she has been a constant reminder of God's love. Every smile she has bestowed upon me; every time her eyes rest on mine; every kiss she's planted on me; every snuggle; every delightful gasp when I pick her up; every single breath that I hear her take - unmistakable blessings.
One day - I remember coming home from a long Saturday at work - needing some rest. I knew I'd have my little snuggler in my arms the moment I entered the home. However - she wanted to nurse before her nap. I felt a little "put upon" and inconvenienced at first. But I noticed - that just after she began her frantic suckling for nourishment, she stopped - kept her tiny nose pressed against me - and began to breathe deeply. She was smelling me. Breathing me in. Needing me.
Suddenly - I stopped caring about my need for a nap. Instead I started to grasp the importance of a maternal bond. Something for which every person hungers. Something every child so deeply desires. Something she'd miss forever - if it were lacking. I realized that I was the only person in this world who could give her that. And I began to embrace my lot in life - moreso than ever before.
At first - I just didn't know if I could cut it as a mom. I knew that I had the capacity to be a fairly good wife, a loving friend and a good employee. But motherhood was something I never thought I'd do well. And even after Lily was placed in my womb - I was unsure that God had chosen the right woman for the job. Adam was great at fathering. So I watched him like a hawk - to get ideas of how to show her affection. I got plenty of ideas and wanted to use them all - but Lily always seemed to want something completely different from me. She wanted a mother. And over the past year - that is just what I've become - Lily Ann's Mother.
Lily Ann has been a blessing to us since she entered this wretched world. For me, she has been a constant reminder of God's love. Every smile she has bestowed upon me; every time her eyes rest on mine; every kiss she's planted on me; every snuggle; every delightful gasp when I pick her up; every single breath that I hear her take - unmistakable blessings.
One day - I remember coming home from a long Saturday at work - needing some rest. I knew I'd have my little snuggler in my arms the moment I entered the home. However - she wanted to nurse before her nap. I felt a little "put upon" and inconvenienced at first. But I noticed - that just after she began her frantic suckling for nourishment, she stopped - kept her tiny nose pressed against me - and began to breathe deeply. She was smelling me. Breathing me in. Needing me.
Suddenly - I stopped caring about my need for a nap. Instead I started to grasp the importance of a maternal bond. Something for which every person hungers. Something every child so deeply desires. Something she'd miss forever - if it were lacking. I realized that I was the only person in this world who could give her that. And I began to embrace my lot in life - moreso than ever before.
At first - I just didn't know if I could cut it as a mom. I knew that I had the capacity to be a fairly good wife, a loving friend and a good employee. But motherhood was something I never thought I'd do well. And even after Lily was placed in my womb - I was unsure that God had chosen the right woman for the job. Adam was great at fathering. So I watched him like a hawk - to get ideas of how to show her affection. I got plenty of ideas and wanted to use them all - but Lily always seemed to want something completely different from me. She wanted a mother. And over the past year - that is just what I've become - Lily Ann's Mother.
Comments
You write the most...ohhh...I haven't the words for it, but your writings truly touch something deep in my heart. Soooooo many children in the world today are hurting, lost, delinquent and alone for lack of just what you are imparting to your dear sweet Lily! A real mother is what so many in the world have missed their entire lives (for whatever reason that mother had to be away or chose to be away). I thank you for sharing these pockets of wisdom the Lord reveals to you throughout your life. Even your intense and extremely evident DESIRE to be a good parent shows tremendous maturity. One of the best things in the whole world to experience and see is genuine love from a parant to his/her child/ren.
Love you...